Week 17 – 10% done and dusted….

I have finally made my 10% goal today - I needed to lose a total of 14.2kg to make my goal and last week I was 300g short. This week I was determined to get there and lost 2.4kg - totally smashing my goal bring my total to 16.3kg.

Feeling really great and pretty dam impressed with myself!!

I have been working really hard this week (see my exercise posts) and stayed well clear of the majority of the Christmas treats this year…I have to say there is not a fruit mince pie on this earth that could taste as good as the feeling of losing 2.4kg especially on Christmas week.

I had another small achievement this week – on Christmas day I was able to get on the floor with my baby to open present and then I was able to get back up without needing any assistance or needed to hold onto anything. I have always been able to get on the ground but getting up was quite a mission…so I just stopped doing it. It is still difficult but I now have the confidence to know that I can get myself up!!

Exercise Update 1

We are progressing very nicely with our exercise plan.
For the stretching we are doing the following: 20 ab crunches, 20 oblique crunches, 20 side crunches, 10 bridges, 20 outer thigh lifts, 20 inner thigh lifts (each side) and what ever else we decide as we go along. We will continue this routine until Sunday (Monday I am back at work!) 

I am very pleased to report that through my hard work I have lost 2.4kg this week....well worth the effort!

The diagnoses on my treadmill is not good – basically it is dead – the repair men come out today and it looks like it needs to be replaced – it is only 6months old!! It cost me a bloody fortune – not happy Jan!! Anyway hopefully it will be sorted out soon - in the meantime we will continue to hit the pavement…which is ok at the moment as I am not working but will be a real pain when I am back next week

What we have done so far:

Saturday (26th Dec) –
7:30am: 30mins treadmill & 30min weights;
7:30pm: 15mins rowing, 15mins treadmill & stretching.
Sunday (27th Dec) –
7:45am: 17mins treadmill, 10mins rowing & 30min weights;
7:00pm: 15mins rowing, 30mins walk & stretching.
Monday (28th Dec) –
7:30am: 15mins rowing, 15min weights & 55mins walking;
7:00pm: 30min walk & stretching.
Tuesday (29th Dec) -
7:30am: 15mins rowing, 15min weights & 55mins walking;
7:00pm: 30min walk & stretch.
Wednesday (30th Dec) -
7:30am: 55mins walking;
7:00pm: 30min walk & stretch .

Exercise Exercise Exercise

Whilst I have some time off over Christmas my neighbour and I decided that we would workout together twice a day (all of her programmes have finished for the time being as well). We are getting together at 7:30am and then again at 7:30pm.
The plan: 7:30am – 30mins treadmill & 30min weights; 7:30pm 15mins rowing, 15mins treadmill then stretching focusing on the ads.

We have hit a small problem in that my treadmill is playing up – it has been on a slope and making a lot of loud banging noises for a few weeks now but on Sunday it felt like the matt was slipping – it is being repaired on Wednesday (30th) - so we decided to stop using it and hit the pavement instead.

What we have done so far:
Saturday (26th Dec) -
7:30am: 30mins treadmill & 30min weights;
7:30pm 15mins rowing, 15mins treadmill & stretching
Sunday (27th Dec) -
7:45am: 17mins treadmill, 10mins rowing & 30min weights;
7:00pm 15mins rowing, 30mins walk & stretching
Monday (28th Dec) –
7:30am 15mins rowing, 15min weights & 55mins walking
….day is not over.

Feeling really good but becoming very sore!!!
I will post again later in the week with our progress…..

Christmas Day….fooood

Had a great Christmas with my family, Christmas can be a real disaster food wise – my mum is a really good cook and spends most of December baking Christmas treats ie: fruit mince pies, shortbread, Christmas cake, Christmas pudding, Turkish delight tarts the list goes on…. I tend to be at my mothers a couple of times a week and I end up “sampling” a few treats….This year I decided that there would be NO “sampling” and I would wait for Christmas eve and Christmas day. 

The plan was to have a small piece of Christmas pudding with custard on Christmas Eve, a fruit mince pie and Turkish delight tart on Christmas day.
I am happy to report that I almost stuck to the plan – I have a small piece of pudding with custard (which was just delicious), 1 x Turkish delight tart and 3 x fruit mince pies (mouth watering) – I ate them slowly and enjoyed every mouthful – there was no guilty attached – there was no “well I have blown it now”….crap going on - just savoured the moment and moved on.

The rest of the food we had was all managed as well – Christmas eve dinner was mainly seafood and salad, breakfast was bacon, eggs, sausages & croissants – I stayed clear of the sausages and instead of a croissant had cape seed bread and fresh cherries…then had more prawns and salad for lunch and dinner.

Got up today being Boxing Day and did 30mins treadmill and 30mins weights and then another small session this evening (15mins treadmill, 15mins rowing and 15min stretching) and ate well…unheard of for me on Boxing Day. 

I must say I am very impressed with myself – I maintained total control but did not feel like I was missing out or being ripped off by not being able to have anything nice…It has been a very successful Christmas all round. This year the focus was on my kids and not the food…..my mind set is truly changing for the better at long last.

10kg by Christmas challenge completed

10kg by Christmas



SW - 139.6
CW - 127.9
Goal - 129.6

TOTAL: 11.7

13 weeks = -1.0 (23/09)
12 weeks = -1.4 (30/09)
11 weeks = -0.2 (7/10)
10 weeks = -1.0 (14/10)
09 weeks = -1.3 (21/10)
08 weeks = 0 (27/10)
07 weeks = -0.7 (4/11)
06 weeks = -1.2 (11/11)
05 weeks = -0.4 (16/11)
04 weeks = -2.0 (25/11)
03 weeks = +0.4 (02/12)
02 weeks = -1.6 (09/12)
01 week = -0.4 (16/12)
Final = -0.9 (23/12)

Week 16 WI Christmas Eve

I am very happy to report that I had another very successful week on the weight loss front. I lost a further 900g this week bring my total to 13.8 – feeling really good about my progress. I am now only 300g off my 10% - hopefully next week we can crack this goal. As Christmas is approaching I am feeling very confident about not going overboard on the food front – I definitely plan on having my few treats (my mother is great cook especially at this time of the year) like Christmas pudding, fruit mince pies and Turkish delight tarts……I know they are not point friendly at all so I plan on just having one of each, enjoying every bite and leaving it at that…..I am sure I will feeling very relaxed about the whole food thing.

I had another small achievement this week - physical I have really really struggled over the last 2 years, even to the point that I could not get on a chair to chain a light globe!! My bedroom has been without a main light now for probably 12 months – simply because I just could not reach the roof to take the light fitting off and change the light globes!! Anyway this week the globe went in my daughter’s bathroom – I grad a chair jumped on it (well not literally but you know what I mean) and change the light globe. Then it dawn it on me that though the weight loss and exercise I made another small step in regaining my physical self back – even my daughter said Mum you are getting fitter….

Week 15 WI down we go....

With the end of the year approaching (just in case you had not released that 2009 was almost done!!) we have been really busy at work, hence why I am late posting this week results – I know that you all have been waiting with bated breath so I won’t keep you in suspense any longer…..I lost a further 400g last week bring my total to 13kg…I am etching closer to my 10% with only another 1.2kg to go – will I make it by Christmas…as we only have one week left it is a tall order…see how we go.

My week has progress well, even though I have been busy at work I have still maintain my exercise routine and kept the Christmas food at bay – I have been enjoying the fresh cherries instead…they are goood this year.

 At this time of the year I am generally under quite a bit of stress at work (I work with school so this is the end of the school year and their financial year!!) My way of coping with stress is to eat (no surprises there…) over the last few months I have been learning some new strategies for handling stress like deep breathing, exercise and just expressing how I am feeling. I have to say that I have been doing a combination of these things and it has really really helped me this year. I am not going straight for food…when I do find myself falling back to the old habits I am able to stop myself before any damage is done…feeling very in control of the food situation at the moment….

Week 14 WI – loossser, loossser, loossser…

This week weight in has taught me a lesson about those damm scales!! After last week disastrous weight in with the unexplained gain - this week I fully recovered with a loss of 1.6kg…..very happy with that result – this now bring my total to 12.6kg and takes me out of the 130’s…gotta be happy with that. I am now only 1.6kg away from my 10% and I have now reach the target of 10kg by Christmas challenge (actually exceed it and still have another week to go!!)

Over the past 15 weeks I have had two weeks where the scales have not given me a negative result (one week stayed the same and last week where I gained) and on both occasions there was no explanation for what happened! On both occasions I sulked about it for days, became quite negative and unmotivated, wasted a lot of energy over something that I had no control over (scales I am referring) – it is like the saying I live by at work “control what you can and leave the rest alone”. Somehow I managed to keep myself on track and then on both occasions the next week was followed by a really good loss….

The moral of the strong is trust the process, it does work and it does sort itself out. We will lose the weight it will just time, hard work and patient (something I lack…). At the end of the day we did not gain all the weight overnight so we cannot expect to wake up one day and find that it has all disappeared – just not going to happen!!!

Small achievements….

It is the small things that we do on a day to day basis that will ultimately lead us to successfully complete this journey and maintain for life!

When I re-started this journey I decided that if there was something that I really liked then I would have it in a controlled portion, enjoy it, count it and move on….And today that is exactly what I had – it sat on my desk until around 11am (which in the past would have been unheard of !!) I then slowly ate it – took 4 bits instead of the usual two (or just stuck the whole thing in my mouth before anyone seen….) it was worth every single bite - I thoroughly enjoy it and felt great that I was able to view it as just a really nice bit of food and absolutely nothing else……

Each Christmas one of the girls makes these very delicious chocolate coated plumb puddings – they are quite small probably the size of a 20c piece. When I arrived at work at 8am she had just put them out in the kitchen – I looked at them and decided that I would have ONE later in the morning – I took my little pudding put it onto a plate and sat it on my desk (as 8am was simply too early – and there is no way they would still be there later!).

It’s my birthday….

As you may have figures today is my birthday. This birthday signifies the final stretch of my 30’s…..yes I am officially 39!! I had a good day – started off with a workout and then spent the rest of the day shopping with my kids. My daughter brought me a lovely salad bowl – a nice small one (just what I asked for).

This means that for next 12 months I need to put in 200% in order to be “forty and fabulous” at my own party - no more floundering around…I would really love to be in double digits by this time next year – that means at least 31kg in 12 months being an average of 600g a week - that is certainly achievable!!!

Wish me luck – actually it has nothing to do with luck – it is going to take a lot of bloody hard work!!!. I can do this….onwards and downwards…. here we go…..

Hit a Wall....

Well I have a hit a wall!! I am seriously struggling to get past the gain this week – I am feeling extremely deflated and unmotivated – almost to the point that actually can’t be bothered. It takes such a huge amount of energy to keep up the momentum to keep the focus on the food and the exercise that it really does not take much for me to fall on my ass (lucky it has plenty of padding…as I fall on it so often!). The internal struggle is starting to resurface along with all the negative thoughts that go with it. I though I managed to move past the part of me that has continually sabotaged myself for many years but clearly not…

At this stage I have not been on any great binge – I have probably eaten too much bread in the past two days but I have managed to stay well clear of everything else – today at work we had a secret Santa morning tea with plenty of savoury pastries, cream cakes, biscuits, fruit etc.. – I stuck with the fruit only…(then all the leftovers sat in the kitchen all day!!)

Which now that I am thinking about it, this is not what the old Jody would have done – she would have defiantly had at least one piece of cake and some pastries and probably picked at more all day (eating whilst no one was watching!!) Interesting that I did not do this – I remember looking at the cakes at one stage and thinking about what Rhonda (WW leader) often says “I can have it if I like but I choose not to” (or something like that) mmmm so maybe I have progressed a lot more than I am giving myself credit for.

I think will pick myself up dust myself off and get on with job – I owe it to myself and my kids….Gee I feel so much better already just talking about – thanks for listening.

Week 13 WI – scales not kind this week…

My reign of 12 consecutives weeks without a gain is OVER – as I suspected I gained 400g this week….not happy to say the least. I would like to say that I am not bother but really I am – I put in a lot of work this week, tracked exercise etc… and to gain really pissed me off.. I would much prefer to have small losses each week that a huge loss followed by a gain!

I have taken solace in the fact that I know for sure that I have done nothing to contribute to the gain, the scales are just one of the many ways that we can measure our success – I am feeling happy, healthy and fitter than I have done for a very long time and it is these measure that I will focus – not the damm scales.

I have also decided that this daily weighing thing really does not work for me…so I taking the battery out of scales and putting them back in the cupboard!!

I have now lost a total 11kg – still pretty good in 13 weeks….got to be happy with that.

November 2009 Challenge

SW: 134.7
CW: 130.4
GW: 130.7



W1: -0.7
W2: -1.2
W3: -0.4
W4: -2.0

November challenged completed!!
Exceeded goal by 300g..

Damm scales....

I started weighing myself each day - which I should probably stop (sorry Rhonda you would think after all these years I would know better!!) - and the scales are going up not down - I have a feeling that my 2kg loss last week was not a true loss....I am still eating well, tracking and doing all the exercise (even did an extra session on Friday night!) and the scales are just going in the wrong direction - starting to get a bit down....not sure I am ready for a gain!!
I seem to have gained about 1kg....why are they doing this to me....I know they are just another tool and I know that I should not be weighing until next Wednesday but I seem to need some measure that I am on the right track....though they are starting to have a negative effect…..I really should put them away and keep my focus on racking, portion control, exercise, water etc.. right???....

Week 12 WI - Smashed the 10kg...

Wooo hoo had a massive loss of -2kg this week bringing my total to 11.4kg – how good is that!! This translates to 12 consecutives losses…..(can I include the week I stayed the same?..I think sooo) – I am truly on a roll. This also means that I exceeded my GWEN target of 4kg by 300g – feels great to not only meet a target but to exceed it as well.

The main difference for me this week was my workout using the iFit – my little virtual trainer “Rhonda” really stepped up the pace – like last night I did a 30min workout at a 10% incline by 5.6km (not the whole time but a good proportion) – nearly killed me but I did it (calf muscle where feeling the pain this morning.. lol).

The week did not go by without incident – I did jump on the “why me” train for a short while but I managed to go only a few stops and then hopped off without any collateral damage (obviously hehe) – this is quite a change from the person that probably would have gone into a week long binge just a few weeks. I am defiantly on the road to managing my emotions and expressing them verbally (or written on the WW community – which I have to say, is just fantastic!!) – instead of eating my way through them – big change for me and clearer with my results is working.

My next goal is to go under 130kg just need another 500g…

I love my iFit

Last weekend I went and picked my iFit that has been back order for 3 months!!!!

An iFit is an electronic personal trainer that plugs into my treadmill (it is the size of a memory card). I had a goal last week to increase my walking speed from 4.7km to 5km by the end of this week. I have the beginner Level 1 card and did my first workout last Saturday night. My virtual PT name is Rhonda (which ironically is the name of my WW leader – my daughter got a huge kick out that lol), I wack in the card hit the start button and off I went – the first 4 minutes is the warm up walking at about 4km – then it takes off – for next 12mins I am walking at 5.4km with an incline that steadily went up to 6% - every minutes something changes (either the incline or speed) - then last 4 mins is the cool down (20min session).

I managed to get through the entire 20min workout without stopping and collapsing in a heap on the floor – I was dripping in sweat and could not talk for the next 20mins but I DID IT!!! I was so very impressed with myself that I well and truly exceeded my goal for the week. It is quite amazing what we are physically capable of when pushed a bit. Since last Saturday and I have continued to do a session each day moving through the levels (speed and incline are slowly increasing – god help me…) and even managed a double session on Thursday night….Go me…. (yay mummy as my son would say if he could speak!)

Week 11 – WI results

Weighed in on Monday this week instead of my normal day of Wednesday (due to work commitments) and I am very happy to report that I have lost another 400g bringing my total losses to 9.4kg. Feeling really great – my work pants are starting to become too big (I will need to dig through my wardrobe and find the next size down!!)
Though I was hoping to crack the 10kg mark this week I am confident that I will crack it next week – just need another 600g…

Week 10 WI – great loss

Had a great loss this week of 1.2kg – really happy – this bring my total to 9kg which means that I have now lost 9kg in 10weeks !!!!!!!! being an average of 900g a week. That translates into 10 consecutive weeks without a gain……how good is that!! I am confident that I will crack the 10kg mark next week..

You may have gathered that I am feeling a bit chuffed with myself at the moment….I have a very long way to go but as each week passes I am getting closer and I will slowly get there. Feeling like a million bucks today.

Weight in Eve – Week 10

Tomorrow is WI day – I am feeling a lot calmer this evening than I have been in previous weeks – feeling very confident with whatever tomorrow WI brings.

I though I would reflect on the week without the influence of the scales (as I put way too much emphasis on the scales!!).

My exercise routine is really starting to fall into place – I managed to do 5 sessions this week, mainly on the treadmill and the weight machines. Currently I am walking at 4.7km for 30 mins, I am finding that if I read at the same time the times goes a lot faster, my goal by the end of next week is to build up to 5km for the full 30mins – I feel that this is achievable as the 4.7 is starting to become comfortable. On my weight machines I have decided not to increase the weights instead increase the number of reps per station.

All in all it is working well; the only negative is that physically my body is really struggling; mainly back, knees and feet are quite painful. In the past I would have given up by now, I am finding though the more pain I am in the more determine I am to keep going as I know that as I reduce my body size the pain will lessen…

On the food front – this is going really well, I am feeling very in control and have had no overwhelming craving for crap food for a few weeks now. I am even starting to reach for fruit as the first option instead of the last!! Never though that would happen….My plan next week is to change my lunch a bit – starting to just take tuna and salad everyday….which I like but I know that if I don’t mix it up then I am easier swayed at work to get something else!! (With the exception of pay Friday Chinese – that is my lunch treat for the fortnight). Also the tracking has been a bit lapse so I need to pull this into check (I am tracking but find that I end up doing two days at the same time!!).

Great week – feeling healthy and happy.

Goals for next week:
1. Increase treadmill speed to 5km = 30mins
2. Track, Track & Track every day
3. Spruce up lunch

Week 9 WI - another loss....

Lost another 0.7kg this week – I have to be honest and say that at first I was not particular happy about the loss – I was expecting a bigger result as I lost nothing the week before. A major problem I have with myself is the exception that I set – they are generally unrealistic. In the past when I have not met the extremely high expectation I just gave up!! Hence why I am the weight I am.

My leader reminded that I have not gained for 9 consecutives weeks….I am so happy with that fact you would not believe..

Once I started to process where I am at I decided that 700g is a great result and I am very happy with my progress so far - my total losses to date are 7.8kg.

I am really starting to believe that I can truly conquer my battle with weight.

Weigh in Eve....

Weigh in tomorrow – again I am feeling very anxious. Why is it the day before I have so much doubt about my ability? I have tracked all week, I have done the exercise – it has been a bit of struggle due to my unnecessary sulking about not losing anything last week!! Overall it has been a successfully week. Yet here I am again the day before feeling like I could eat everything in sight – it is almost like a justification for if the scales do not show a negative result (in a positive way – you know what I mean..) then it was OK to overeat. I seriously need to work on removing the focus from the scales and focus on good health – the weight loss part will come naturally – wont it?

Moving on….. My new found energy levels on Saturday have left me very very sore for the past 3 days – I may have over done it a wee bit…. Sunday I was really sore, (you know you are in trouble when even sitting on the toilet is painful!!) as long as I kept moving and did not need to bend down – which is very difficult with a 14mth baby it was not so bad … I did my workout on Sunday regardless though I have to admit the previous enthusiasm was a bit lacking and I was working at a much lighter space – none the less I got it done. Monday my legs had seized up – I was so stiff it was no longer funny – the main problem being that I sit all day at work… so I decided to rest up and not do my workout. Today (Tuesday) things are much better – did my workout almost back at full speed – almost….

Regardless of the result tomorrow I will keep moving forward – one step at a time…

Feels great to be moving again….

It is surprising how just losing 5% of my body weight can make a huge difference to my energy levels. My garden was in desperate need of some attention, so I organised with my parents to bring a load of soil over so that we could top dress the garden. The last time (February) we did this I really struggled through the whole process – today I was able to get the garden weeded, roses trimmed and backyard cleaned up before the soil arrived. We obviously put all the soil into the garden, put the seasol all over the garden and did some potting as well. Once we finished this then we did some grocery shopping (fridge was empty!) and other stuff...

For first time for a long time I was able to just keep going all day until everything was finished – don’t get me wrong I am buggered and my feet and knees are killing me but I did not need to stop and rest all the time like I did back Feb!!

Feels great to be moving again….

Week 8 WI - NOTHING

Had my WI today (a day earlier than normal) and lost NOTHING – stayed exactly the same!!! I am feeling very very dark at the moment. I worked really hard last week – tracked everything, did a lot of exercise, remained very focused and positive. I am feeling very ripped off that the scales did not reflect the hard work I put in. I am really struggling to move past this – all I have wanted to do today is eat eat eat….I am now feeling quite resentful towards the entire process – WILL I EVER GET THIS….aaaarrrrrrrr I have soooo far to gooooo

Ok ok need to calm down and put this back into prospective.

1.   Lost so far 7.1kg (very happy with that)
2.   Avg 0.8875kg a week - got to happy with that!
3.   I did NOT GAIN
4.   I have a lot more energy
5.   I am feeling physically stronger after just one week of exercise
6.   I am feeling much healthier and happier
7.   I am already starting to feel more flexibility in my body from exercising
8.   I am feeling in control of the food instead of the food controlling me
9.   I have made more progress over the past 8 weeks that I have over the past 8 years!
10. The tape measure now fits around my hips….

I was feeling really great when I walked into the WI this morning – I was sure that I had lost at least 1kg – I am feeling lighter and the tape measure has gone down. Why am I letting the scales dictate how I feel? I know I put in 100% last week so hopefully by next week it will show on the scales…

Onwards and upwards (or downwards preferably)!!!

Saturday's checklist....

1.    Get out of bed – DONE
2.    Put washing on – DONE
3.    Feed and water the children – DONE
4.    Get a haircut and colour – DONE
5.    Buy fresh fruit and veg – DONE
6.    EXERCISE – DONE
7.    Find an excuse not to do the house work - DONE
8.    Track food – DONE
9.    Have prawns for dinner - DONE
10.  Drop daughter off at sleepover – DONE
11.  Put baby to bed - DONE
12.  Catchup on Dr Phil & Oprah – working on it!!      

5% - DONE

Weight in today lost 1.3kg!!!! so happy - brings my total to 7.1kg which is exactly 5% of my body weight. Feeling really good and feeling like I am really gaining more and more control over food as each day passes - instead of the food controlling me.

I have had more success over the last 7 weeks than I have had over the past 8 years! I think I have finally got it…..A great friend today said to me “keep your eye on the prize” and that is exactly what I am going to do.

On the weekend I took my mother out for lunch for her birthday for Chinese dim sum - which I really love - I decided before I got their that I was going to stick with sushi, steam type dishes (prawn dumpling - yum), my favourite lotus leaf (stuffed with mushroom rice) and a steam pork bun . I decided that I was going to eat slowly and enjoy every taste and stop once I was starting to feel full (not once I was full as that is too late) – this is exactly what I did and it paid off. The biggest achievement was that I walked away feeling satisfied and in control. My daughter even commented that I did not eat as much as I normally do!! (bit sad really..).

Moving Moving Moving.....

I have finally starting doing some exercise....it has taken awhile to work myself up to it but I have started! I have a well equip home gym (any of my friends reading this will probably say that is understatement!!) - I have a bit of thing for buying exercise equipment and diet books! Every time I buy a piece I think this is it - this is the piece that is going to make all the difference!! Because as we all know it has nothing do with ourselves, it is all about the next bit of equipment or the next diet book lol......Gee it has taken me a long time to work out that I can buy all the equipment and books (not that I actually read them) in the world but until I get off my butt they are totally useless...

My neighbour and I have been “discussing” for awhile about doing some session together - so finally on Sunday after yet another discussion we did a session on Sunday night. We have now set a schedule for Tuesday and Thursday evening and possibly another session on the weekend.

Our session on Sunday was pretty much trying to work out how everything worked (as the treadmill and weights were purchased a couple of months ago and yet to be used – that is a story for another day!!). I did a session on Monday night myself – 20mins treadmill then weights. Tonight (Tuesday) we did 20mins on the treadmill, 10min rowing, and 10min cycling then several reps of weights and finished with some stretching – all up about a 1 hour.  Feeling really good a bit sore - off to a good start.

Weight in tomorrow – feeling a bit anxiety – it should all be good, tracked everything all week, ate really well so regardless of what the scales say I know in myself that I have been doing the right thing. Hmmmm am I trying to talk myself into a gain…not sure….

Looking forward to the day that I can just sit……

It is remarkable how something like sitting in a chair can cause your bubble to burst. Let me explain – I have been feeling really great, doing really well with controlling my food, keeping the thoughts under control, my energy levels are up and I have been steadily loosing weight over the past 6 weeks – so all in all things are good.

Today we decided to go to the public swimming pools (with my friend and her 2 kids) – I put board shorts on which only just fit!!! Lucky I had lost the 5.8kg otherwise they would not have … and my bather top on - really not attractive at this weight (I remember looking at the fat lady when I was a kid – now I am that fat lady – anyway I can deal with the looks!!) I am feeling great so who cares….We spent and hour walking in water whilst the kids played then we went to have lunch at the café….

We grabbed a table and chairs and sat down – then the realisation that I am still hideously over weight kicked in - I did not fit in the chair!!!!!!!! I got up and got another chair that was a bit wider but I was still struggling – there were no chairs without arms so I just had to sit on the end of the chair. It was terribly uncomfortable the whole time, yet you just sit there as if it is not uncomfortable and not cutting into my legs - if you sit back in the chair then you can’t reach table as you are laying back more than sitting back, you can’t site upright like a normal person as you simply just do not fit!!!

I know that I have only lost 5.8kg and have a very long way to go so it should not have came as any surprise - but I was really feeling like I was finally getting somewhere. My feeling of feeling really great and in control and almost indestructible slowly started to slip away; as the day has warn on I was feeling flatter and flatter. Now this is the not the first time this has happened but today it has really gotten to me….and all I want to do now is eat eat eat…. which is exactly what I am NOT going to do – I have done a workout this evening so I am feeling much better already.

I am so looking forward to the day that I can just sit……

This is what I'm looking forward to....

A WW community user posted a list of things that they are looking forward to. I though this was a great idea and decided to do my own list (and steal some of theirs)

I want to be able to walk without resting
I want to be able to shop all day
I want to get up off the floor without help
I want to be able to play on the floor with my baby
I want to be without pain
I want to sit in a chair without touching the sides
I want to sit on a chair without the fear of it breaking
I want to sit next to someone without touching them
I want to walk up and down stairs without holding onto the rails
I want to fell comfortable in an aeroplane seat
I want to put on socks and lace up shoes without holding my breath
I want to wear jeans with no elastic
I want to wear a shirt tucked in
I want to throw away every elastic waisted piece of clothing I own
I want to wear a one piece bathing suit
I want to wear a dress\skirt
I want to go to a ball in a stunning ball dress
I want to buy clothes that I like and not just what fits
I want to run
I want to go in a hot air balloon
I want to jump out of a plane
I want to go white water rafting
I want to go bunging jumping
I want to be able to do whatever physical activity I like
I want to be noticed because I look good not because I am obese
I want to feel proud of the person I am
I want the outside to match the inside
I want to be a role model for my kids
I want someone to spend the rest of my life with
I want to turn 40 and be fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Cracked it!!!

I am very pleased to report that despite my nervous tension about today’s weight in I lost 1kg!!! Bringing my total to 5.8kg - I cracked the 5kg mark.... - I am very excited - This is now 6 losses in a row. Looking back over my records since July 2001 (yes 2001 is not a typo!) - My record was 8 losses in a row (actually 2 of those were neutral) which was way back in December 2001. Obviously my next goal is to make it 10 in a row…
My next focus is to reach my 5% which is 1.3kg away.
What I really need to do now is calm down – remain focused - and not get to over confident with myself and think that I can slip in a bit extra here and there.

The day before weight in...

Why is it that I always feel really anxious the day before weight in (my wi is a Wednesday morning)?

I have eaten well, stayed within my points, tracked every day - the exercise was a bit lacking - but overall a good food week.
Emotionally I am feeling good - feeling very in control - keeping the negative thoughts at bay.

Then the day before I start trying to work out if I have lost weight or not - my scales are broken so I can't weight myself (they were always wrong anyway and just caused even more anxiety as I was on them a dozen times a day!) so I have started using a tape measure - last week my waist was much smaller but I only lost 0.2kg - so the tape measure is useless. Why can’t I just wait?

Then I start thinking that I have not lost any weight this week so I may as well have something extra or don't bother trying to do any extra activity as it won't make a difference anyway. It is like I am preparing myself for a failure instead of preparing myself for success!!

I am hoping to lose at least 0.2kg this week to reach to my first 5kg…..
I am feeling good, healthy and lighter so this is what I should be focusing on.

Why don't I stop eating?

Spent today with my beautiful daughter, we went and seen a movie - Julie & Julia - not bad and then we went to Hans Cafe for lunch. I ordered satay chicken for entree and Chicken 'n Cashews with steam rice for main - all very nice and quite healthy (the satay is probably a bit iffy). I got about half way through the main when I started to feel full - so at this point I should have stop eating right - oh no no no I continue on battling though to the VERY last mouth full - after all you can't possibly leave anything behind! Now I am over full again......

Why don't I stop eating?
Why don't I leave food behind? Whist I was eating I was thinking that I should really stop - but the food was really good and I kept on telling myself that it is fairly healthy so it is OK to overeat - but really it is not!

I know it is due to years and year of stuffing my face to sometimes I literally vomit!
I know that it will not change overnight
I know that I am not going to starve to death! (I have this fear that if I don't eat enough in one sitting that I will starve before the next meal arrives - insane I know!)

What I must start to do is listen to my stomach and STOP and REST half way through my meal - if I am feeling satisfied then leave the rest of the food behind - it is better on the plate than on my hips (gods know there is enough there already -:) ) and remind myself that we eat to live not live to eat....

5 consecutives losses in a row.....very happy.....

This week I lost 0.2kg - a little bit disappointing (would prefer that the decimal point was to the right of the two!) but I have now had 5 consecutives losses in a row.....very happy.....I have not had success like this for a few years.
Total losses to date are 4.8kg – next week I will be over the first 5kg and then it will be non stop from here.
I am really feeling like I am firmly on the right track this time (I have been at this for a very very long time). I am working very hard on keeping positive thoughts in my head and shutting down the negative ones as soon as they start to creep in.
This week goal is to get moving – starting tomorrow (Friday) I will park my car at the train station and walk to work (15mins each way).

How does it feel……..

This post is a reminder to me on how it physically feels to weight 142 kg! How does it feel….well let me see – both of knees hurt, especially the right one, currently taking anti-inflammatory everyday to keep the pain at bay, every time I take a step I feel like the right knee is going to give way and I will collapse on the floor! I have continuous pain in my lower back and if I stand for too long the pain becomes unbearable. I have heal spurs on a regular basis – the pain seems to come and go (depends on how active I have been).

Walking is a struggle - when I walk I feel like I am swaying from side to side – probably more of a waddle than a walk! I get exhausted quite quickly and need to sit down and rest before I can continue – I can no longer shop all day! I feel like I am 70 instead of 38!

When I sit I have to look at the chair to make a judgment on if it will hold my weight – it always feels like the chair is going to break. If the chair has sides then that becomes really uncomfortable as the sides normally dig into my hips. I feel embarrassed when sitting in a chair as I know that my arse is hanging out over the side and I am taking up the space of two people – this is quite uncomfortable especially when taking a train. I won’t fly at this weight as it is simply too uncomfortable.

Getting on the floor is not so difficult but getting up is another story so I avoid getting on the floor as much as possible which is quite difficult when you have a 13mth baby!!! This includes sitting on anything that looks too low to the ground.

I really don’t go out at night much any more as I am simply to embarrassed – I find it very difficult to talk to people and I feel like I am being judge (I know this is more about me than them).

Buying cloths is a struggle I tend to buy what fits instead of what I really like. I am currently a size 26 and cannot find a pair of Jeans that fit me at all! – I have one pair that is all torn between the legs (which is another problem over being this overweight).

When I go out for the day and it involves a fair amount of walking by the time I get home I am generally totally shatters and in a great deal of pain – knees, back & feet!

Defining Moment......

Probably like most people there has been many many moments that I have though this needs to change but like most people I kept on waiting for that particular "moment" then it was all going to happen but the problem is the "moment" actually never arrives! It has taken me a very long time to work that out! I am currently having some counselling which is really helping deal some issues in my life (the weight is just a side effect). Now that I am feeling my better about everything I rejoin WW again with a much better attitude and a realisation that I just have do this and stop waiting for a miracle to occur!! 5 weeks ago I joined and that night I logged in to put in some stats and notice that you can now track your measurements - I though great I will do that - to my very horror I discovered that the TAPE MEASURE DID NOT FIT AROUND MY HIPS!!! I decided that the day I need TWO tape measures to measure my hips then my weight is in serious state and I refused to use TWO tape measures!

The beginning....

This is the beginning of the end..... My intention of this blog is to track my weight loss journey by keeping a journal of my progress. I intend to use this blog so when the going gets tough I can look back and remind myself on how far I have come and why I must keep on moving forward. Slow and steady wins the race.