Saturday, July 31, 2010

July challenge is completed!

I actually ended up gaining 300g - it was a total write off a month.  Anyway it is behind me now and I am looking forward to getting stuck into August.

SW: 109.9
CW: 110.2
GWEJ: 107.5

Total: +0.3

wk4: +0.5
wk3: -0.8
wk2: +0.5
wk1: +0.1

Friday, July 30, 2010

WI Week 47

I had another gain this week of 500g bringing my total back to 31.6kg! July has pretty much been a write off for me - so I am not going to dwell on this latest gain or rant and rave or sulk about it – no point really what done is done! I have moved forward into a new day\week.

Last Saturday night I went to a 40th birthday of a very old and dear friend of mine – this were a few people there that I had not seen for probably 12 months – they were very complimentary on my weight loss success and told me repeatedly how great I was looking (I was starting to think – gee I must have really look bad before….). What really surprised me was there was a group girls that I have met a couple of times at different gathering with the kids (these are mothers from the local school) and one of them came up to me and said that she was watching me dance (yes I was even game enough to go out in public sober and dance!!!) and could not believe how much weight I had lost and how fantastic and happy I was looking (again I was thinking gee was I really that bad)….I was really very taken back and felt quite overwhelmed. 12 months ago when I was at my biggest I really though that people did not see me all – all they sore was this massive body - but you know I think I was wrong – I think it was more me that only seen the massive body and totally withdrawn myself from other people - I clearly have missed opportunities to meet some really great people!!

I really struggle with the attention that comes from losing weight but I am learning to deal with it everyday and to step a bit further outside myself as I move through this journey and beyond.

Friday, July 23, 2010

WI Week 46

After a turbulent week I managed to lose 800g brining my total to 32.1kg. This bring me back under 110kg so I am very happy about that.

My son has been learning how to jump over the last few weeks – my 14 year old daughter has been teaching him – they have been having lots of fun in the process. I watched him repeatedly trying to jump – he would jump, fall over, get back up, jumps again, fall again, gets back up, jumps again, falls again, gets back up and just kept on repeating cycle until eventually it manages to jump and stay on his feet – we were all very excited when master this task – now he jumps everywhere – very cute!

I was thinking at stage in our life do we lose this ability to just keep on trying until we master the task? Why as adults when we fall over do we not just get straight back up and try again? Why do we stay down for so long? Most of us will eventually pull ourselves up but if we fall again then we are ready to quit – all we focus on is that fact that we have fallen not what we have achieved to get to this stage!

This is exactly what I have done over the last couple week – focused on the fall instead of the achievement – the negative instead of the positive!

My focus for the week is to be positive, remain calm and trust the process!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

WI eve – The Fog…..

It has been a really tough week - I have done OK for most of the week but the last couple of days not so good – In my last post I talked about looking forward but really I just kept on looking back – I am (was??) fixated on the last week that I have totally written of the last 43weeks - I am really quite annoyed at myself for allowing a small dump in the road (for crying out loud we are just talking about 600g…aaaarrrrrr) to derail me like this – I feel like I have set myself back 12 months – back to that person that did not believe that losing this weight was possible – to the person that had no self worth and felt totally invisible to the world – felt like I back on the merry go around that I fought so hard to get off yet I stepped back on without hesitation…….why do we do this to ourselves – why are we soooo soooo hard on ourselves – we really are our own worth emery – if we had someone like ourselves in our lives we would get rid of them in a second – yet we keep this side off us alive and kicking and at the moment really kicking……

I cannot go back to that person – I cannot let that part of me take over again – it is very dark when that part of me takes over fully – I am stronger and better than that. In my last post there is a comment from Rhonda (I will put the full comment at the end of this post) but in the story she talks about a swimmer (Florence Chadwick) that gave up on a marathon swim because she could not see past the fog – I really feel like this is where I am at – caught in the fog – I can see nothing in front and unable to visualise what is beyond the fog….

Tomorrow is WI day – I am not expecting a good results quite the opposite but I will take it on the chin – no more sulking – no more why me (so board of that story..) - my pledge to everyone out their (and especially Rhonda) is that the fog is clearing and I will be focusing on how much better my life is as a result of the 31.8kg that I have lost to date…and how much better it will be in another 31.8kg.

From Rhonda:

“I recently read an experience of Florence Chadwick, the first female to swim the English Channel in both directions. At thirty four, she also determined to be the first woman to swim the twenty two miles between Catalina Island and Palo Verde on the California shore.

The weather on the day she made the attempt was not in her favor. The ocean waters were ice cold and the California coastline was veiled in a thick, dense fog. Support boats which followed her with crews armed with rifles to ward off prowling sharks were even obscured from her view.

I imagine myself in bone freezing waters, hearing the humming of motor boats amid the occasional pop of a rifle. It's enough to deflate even the strongest will and determination.

Chadwick swam for hours while, from one of the support boats, her mother and trainer encouraged her to keep going despite the odds.

In A Fresh Packet of Sower's Seeds, author Brian Cavanaugh details the last moments of her attempt:

"As the hours ticked off, Chadwick fought off bone chilling cold, dense fog and sharks...Fatigue never set in, but the icy water numbed her to the point of exhaustion. Straining to make out the shore through her swimming goggles, she could only see dense fog. She knew she could not go any further. Although, not a quitter, Chadwick shouted to her trainer and her mother in the boat and asked to be taken out of the water. They urged her not to give up, but when she looked at the California Coast, all she could see was thick fog. So after 15 hours and 55 minutes of fighting the elements, she was hauled into the boat... frozen to the bone..." (pg 42)

Little did she know that only half a mile beyond the dense fog where she gave-up was the California shoreline.

Cavanaugh notes what she told a reporter: "Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land I know I could have made it." (pg 42)

It turns out she had not been defeated by the sharks or even by the cold; it was the fog which obscured the vision of her goal.
One year later, she swam the Straits of Gibraltar in 5 hours and 6 minutes-setting a new record for both men and women. She also crossed the Bosphorus between Europe and Asia both ways, and crossed the Turkish Dardanelles-all within a few weeks.

Sometimes obstacles get in the way of our goals too Jody, but the message here is that you need to keep your focus.You are getting stronger with each of these challenges - the fog is definately clearing so just keep your eye on your goal and keep swimming :)”

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Looking foward....

One of the key factors in my success of weight loss has been my mental approach to the process.

I have had a couple of days to bring things back into prospective – it has taken every bit of strength for me to stay on track the last couple of days. I have had to take a step back and focus on the bigger picture and really look at how far I have come over the past 10 months – I figured I have two choices – I can put the scales behind me and focus on where I am at or pack it all in and go back to where I was 10 months – which was not a good place…

There is only one choice - to keep moving forward – I am in a much better place today both mentally and physically that I was a year ago – I am happy, healthier and fitter than I have been for many years.

To do:

1. Calm down
2. Relax – focus on some “me time”
3. Sleep – go to bed earlier
4. Stress - reduce my stress levels at works
5. Take one day at a time
6. Exercise – take a calmer approach
7. Look forward
8. Trust the process
9. Calm down

p.s thanks for the comments – really helped.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

WI Week 45 - heading in the wrong direction

I had to weigh in a day early this week and the scales registered a 500g gain! I really don’t know what to say – I am crushed to say the least – two gains in a row is sooo disheartening – At this moment I am feeling like maybe this is it – maybe this is the best I can do…

I really hate the fact that I allow the scales to decide what type of week I had – until I stepped on the scales I was feeling good – I was positive – I had a good week – I increased my exercise – had a couple of outing where I handled the food situation extremely well – but the moment I stood on those scales and got the results all that was gone…..

The challenge I face now is moving on from this – putting this into perspective - it is only a 600g gain – I have still lost 31.3kg – I have proven to myself over the last 45 weeks that I am more than capable of losing ALL of this weight.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Statistical update June 2010

Time for some statistical updates on my progress
I have lost a total 82.5cm - this an increase of 19.5cm since April!

               Total Weight Lost:   31.8(22.43%)
                     Total CM lost:  82.5cm                     
2nd Sept 0911th April 1011th July 10Total

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

WI Week 44

Weigh in today and I had a gain of 100g! I am a bit dark about this gain – I know it is only 100g and we need to focus on the bigger on the picture yarder yarder yarder….. It really bugs when you do everything correct and those damm scales don’t reflex at least some of your effort instead they just try and mess with your head. Last week I tracked all week, stayed within my points, did my exercise, and checked my portion – really reign things back in as I felt that my weight loss was slowing. I had a great week food and exercise wise all for a 100g gain……. I feel cheated and feel like it’s a waisted week and steps me back from my goal and not closer……Yes I can hear everyone going it is only 100g seriously move on, not a big deal in the scheme of things - I do know this but I just need to vent my frustration instead of eating my through it….feeling much better already.

I was out for dinner this evening at the my parents house and I was feeling deflated about the scales and Mum brought out a Cheesecake and I though to myself I’m having that – I am going to eat the huge piece of cheesecake – if I going to gain well at least I will have a reason! I sat there watching Mum cut it up and she went to hand me a piece and I just looked at it though you know I really don’t want it - I am eating it out of frustration – if I eat it then I have once again allowed the scales to hold the power over me – I have once again let the scales dictate how I feel and set the mood for the following week - I decided that I hold the power not those scales – and refused the cheesecake.

I have now lost 31.8kg and I am not going to let one very small gain derail me.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Mid Year Challenge completed

The 13 week mid year challenge is now completed.  I missed by target by 3.5kg!!  I am a bit disappointed that I missed it by quite a lot however losing 6.5kg in 13 weeks is nothing to be sneezed at..

SW: 116.4 (31/03/10)
CW: 109.9
GW: 106.4

Total 6.5kg

Week 13: -0.3 (30/06/10)
Week 12: -0.6 (23/06/10)
Week 11: -0.7 (16/06/10)
Week 10: -0.3 (09/06/10)
Week 9: -0.9 (02/06/10)
Week 8: -0.3 (26/05/10)
Week 7: +0.6 (19/05/10)
Week 6: -0.6 (12/05/10)
Week 5: -1.2 (05/05/10)
Week 4: -0.3 (27/04/10)
Week 3: +0.1 (21/04/10)
Week 2: -1.1 (14/04/10)
Week 1: -0.9 (07/04/10)

Saturday, July 3, 2010

June challenge....

June challenge is now completed - I came very close to reaching my target but just missed it by 400g!  On a positive note I am 2.8kg lighter at the end of June that I was at the start...

SW: 112.7
WI: -0.3
CW: 109.9

GWEJ: 109.5

Total: -2.8

wk5: -0.3
wk4: -0.6
wk3: -0.7
wk2: -0.3
wk1: -0.9

Friday, July 2, 2010

Week 43 WI

I had a small loss of 300g this week bring my total to 31.9kg. I really find it hard to believe that this number keeps increasing each week – it freaks me out…. (in a good way) - I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out!!! That won’t happen unless I allow it which is not going to happen anytime soon.

I had a good week – got stuck into my exercise and dropped the excuses and just got on with it…..the food front is going well but I have to admit that my tracking has dwindled away….. Tracking is a critical part of the WW programme – it has been proven time and time again that tracking improves your weight loss success yet it is the first thing that most of us dropped in an instance….yet it is the backbone of the programme – not tracking is a bit like not servicing your car – it will run for a while with no problems but after a while it will start to pull back and feel dumpy whilst driving, we will have problems starting it in the morning and eventually it will just give up….Then we need to tow it to the mechanic whilst thinking up a 100 excuses as to why we never brought it back at the first signs that it struggling…. So saying all this my focuses is to TRACK TRACK TRACK and keep tracking… the very end and beyond.

This loss means that I have now met my next mini goal of less than 110kg – I am now 109.9kg! I am going to set my next goal a bit bigger than I normally do as my next one is quite big – the half way mark! – I am now only 7kg away from this goal… Really looking forward to reaching this one!