How does it feel……..

This post is a reminder to me on how it physically feels to weight 142 kg! How does it feel….well let me see – both of knees hurt, especially the right one, currently taking anti-inflammatory everyday to keep the pain at bay, every time I take a step I feel like the right knee is going to give way and I will collapse on the floor! I have continuous pain in my lower back and if I stand for too long the pain becomes unbearable. I have heal spurs on a regular basis – the pain seems to come and go (depends on how active I have been).

Walking is a struggle - when I walk I feel like I am swaying from side to side – probably more of a waddle than a walk! I get exhausted quite quickly and need to sit down and rest before I can continue – I can no longer shop all day! I feel like I am 70 instead of 38!

When I sit I have to look at the chair to make a judgment on if it will hold my weight – it always feels like the chair is going to break. If the chair has sides then that becomes really uncomfortable as the sides normally dig into my hips. I feel embarrassed when sitting in a chair as I know that my arse is hanging out over the side and I am taking up the space of two people – this is quite uncomfortable especially when taking a train. I won’t fly at this weight as it is simply too uncomfortable.

Getting on the floor is not so difficult but getting up is another story so I avoid getting on the floor as much as possible which is quite difficult when you have a 13mth baby!!! This includes sitting on anything that looks too low to the ground.

I really don’t go out at night much any more as I am simply to embarrassed – I find it very difficult to talk to people and I feel like I am being judge (I know this is more about me than them).

Buying cloths is a struggle I tend to buy what fits instead of what I really like. I am currently a size 26 and cannot find a pair of Jeans that fit me at all! – I have one pair that is all torn between the legs (which is another problem over being this overweight).

When I go out for the day and it involves a fair amount of walking by the time I get home I am generally totally shatters and in a great deal of pain – knees, back & feet!