Saturday, May 29, 2010

May Challenge completed

May challenge is now complete!  Not a great month weight wise which resulted in missing my target by more than half!!.  On a postive front I am 1.5kg lighter at the end than I was at the start of May. 
Time to reset my goal and look forward to moving into June!

SW: 114.2
CW: 112.7
GWEM: 111.0

Total -1.5kg

wk4: -0.3
wk3: +0.6
wk2: -0.6
wk1: -1.2

Friday, May 28, 2010

Week 38 – stalking the fridge…

I had a much more positive week which resulted in a loss of 300g bringing my total to 29.1kg. I wouldn’t say I am too excited with my loss but a loss is a loss and I am heading in the right direction again. I do truly need to get a move on now – I have been hovering around this 30kg mark for the last 4 weeks so it is time to get over whatever it is that is holding me back and get over the line and get this done! I am only 900g off my next goal so let’s get this show on the road!!

Last week I found myself stalking the fridge…..especially in the evening…it’s not through hungry just that urge that I felt like I needed something more….I resisted most of the time but there was a couple of times that I found myself eating a late night sandwich….On Saturday evening I had this overwhelming urge to eat fried chicken – normally when I get like this something has happened to trigger the urge – nothing happening but I was in a tugger war with myself – I did end up at the drive through but I pulled out and went home and cooked myself a seafood marinara. To be successfully in this journey I must stop these urges in their tracks!

My focus for this week is get over the 30kg mark – how am I going to do this??? Remain calm, take each day as it comes and of course track, drink water and exercise each day.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Week 37 - little bump...

Really struggled last week and as a result gained 600g bringing my total back to 28.8kg. I really hit a wall last week with the expectation and pressure that I had set on myself. I made a fatal mistake of looking too far ahead. Over the last 12months I have been really working on living in the here and now – I have a really bad habit of looking way into the future and worrying about what might happen instead of just focusing on what is happening today…living in the present moment….

I had a good talk with my WW leader (Rhonda – thanks again) and one of the members at the meeting and they both helped to bring everything back into perspective and calm down. Reminded me about how far I have come and how much better my life is already and how much better it will continue to get – I am strong and I can push through this hurdle.

I am feeling 100% better and I am going to do what has worked very well in the past and that is to take a calm approach and just take one day at a time – no more no less.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." -Margaret Thatcher

Friday, May 14, 2010

Week 36 WI - Expectations

I am etching a bit close to my next goal of 30kg with a loss of 600g this week bringing my total to 29.4kg. I am confident that next week I can crack the 30!

To be honest I am getting quite nervous about my next goal – not sure if nervous is the right word – I will try and describe how I am feeling.

I have been on and off the weight loss journey pretty much my whole life (I joined my first WW meeting at 8 years old!) – I have been very successfully in the past (albeit many years ago now) and I have failed miserably especially over the past 10 years! I would lose a bit and then put a lot back on - whenever I would re-start the weight loss journey again it was only a matter of a couple of week (or at the most a month) before I would come crashing down – peoples expectation (and mine for that matter) was quite low - it was just a matter of time before I would be back to my old habits and complaining like crazy…..which I successfully did every time.

This time however I am doing it and very successfully - My nervousness is about my expectation of myself and what I “think” other people’s expectation of myself are! My weight loss is quite obvious now and a lot of people are commenting. Everyone is being very supportive as it is clear that I am serious there is no question about that. The problem is I feel like the expectation is increasing each week – people are asking on a regular basis how I am going? How much I have lost now? Am I still keeping up with my exercise routine? And they are telling me all the time how great and happy I am looking these days. Don’t get me wrong I really really appreciate all the encouragement and don’t want it to stop (and here it comes….) BUT in the back of my head I am starting to think – ohhh gee what if I can’t live up to their (or more to the point my) expectation? What if I start to fail? What if I can’t do this? What if this is all a fast and tomorrow it will all come crashing down like it has in the past? What if I start eating again and can’t stoppppp? What if? …What if?…. What if? ….… Seriously…..STOP…..These though keep going around in my head to the point that I know I have started to pull back – I have not been exercising as much as I was – My tracking has been a bit hit and miss? Food is quite boring and I almost have the attitude of “I can’t be bothered” …..really…. come on – this is really the old mind set – the self sabotage part of me….

I know this is all about ME and my extremely high expectation I have of myself and my massive fear of failure and this has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else – I HAVE NO INTENTION OF GIVING UP…I just need to move through these emotions – recognise them as part of the journey and move past them “Feel the fear and do it anyway!” and know that I will only fail if I allow myself to….which is not an options. I am feeling great … it has taken a lot of work to come this far and there is a lot more work to go to reach my goal but I know it is soooo worth it…..


Friday, May 7, 2010

Week 35 WI – 20% DONE

Had a great loss this week of 1.2kg bringing my total to 28.8kg which means that I have reach my goal of losing lost 20% of body weight!!!! Very impressed to say the least….. My next goal is to reach the 30kg mark, which is only 1.2kg away so we should have that sort within the next 2 weeks (I would like to say next week but I am being a bit reserved…)

Stress levels at work have been quite high this week so I had to really focus on not turning to food as my stress relief…and clearly by my result I certainly did not do that….I instead focused on exercising and reminding myself that the food will not make one ounce of difference it will only make it worst. It was tough but now that I am at the other end I and very pleased that I maintained control over the food and the food is not controlling me.

I get asked a lot what rewards I give myself when I reach my mini goals – At this stage I don’t actually give myself any materialistic rewards . When I reach my goal it gives me such a lift and confirms that I am really doing this…….I am able to achieve the goals that I set on a regular basis and this feeling spurs me on to set and reach my next goal. The other reward I am getting is my life back!! Physically I can do so much more. I can play with my baby on the floor, I can run after him, I can go cycling with my kids; I can walk without being in consistence pain. I could go on and on about how much better my body (and mind) is that it is now carrying 20% less weight.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

April Challenge completed

The April challenge is completed and unfortunately I missed my goal by 1kg. I started the first half of the month really strong but the second half was a total flop!!

The good news is that I am 2.2kg lighter at the end of April than what I was at the beginning. Bring on May!

SW: 116.4
CW: 114.2
GWEA: 113.3

Total: -2.2

wk4: -0.3
wk3: +0.1
wk2: -1.1
wk1: -0.9