Feels great to be moving again….

It is surprising how just losing 5% of my body weight can make a huge difference to my energy levels. My garden was in desperate need of some attention, so I organised with my parents to bring a load of soil over so that we could top dress the garden. The last time (February) we did this I really struggled through the whole process – today I was able to get the garden weeded, roses trimmed and backyard cleaned up before the soil arrived. We obviously put all the soil into the garden, put the seasol all over the garden and did some potting as well. Once we finished this then we did some grocery shopping (fridge was empty!) and other stuff...

For first time for a long time I was able to just keep going all day until everything was finished – don’t get me wrong I am buggered and my feet and knees are killing me but I did not need to stop and rest all the time like I did back Feb!!

Feels great to be moving again….

Week 8 WI - NOTHING

Had my WI today (a day earlier than normal) and lost NOTHING – stayed exactly the same!!! I am feeling very very dark at the moment. I worked really hard last week – tracked everything, did a lot of exercise, remained very focused and positive. I am feeling very ripped off that the scales did not reflect the hard work I put in. I am really struggling to move past this – all I have wanted to do today is eat eat eat….I am now feeling quite resentful towards the entire process – WILL I EVER GET THIS….aaaarrrrrrrr I have soooo far to gooooo

Ok ok need to calm down and put this back into prospective.

1.   Lost so far 7.1kg (very happy with that)
2.   Avg 0.8875kg a week - got to happy with that!
3.   I did NOT GAIN
4.   I have a lot more energy
5.   I am feeling physically stronger after just one week of exercise
6.   I am feeling much healthier and happier
7.   I am already starting to feel more flexibility in my body from exercising
8.   I am feeling in control of the food instead of the food controlling me
9.   I have made more progress over the past 8 weeks that I have over the past 8 years!
10. The tape measure now fits around my hips….

I was feeling really great when I walked into the WI this morning – I was sure that I had lost at least 1kg – I am feeling lighter and the tape measure has gone down. Why am I letting the scales dictate how I feel? I know I put in 100% last week so hopefully by next week it will show on the scales…

Onwards and upwards (or downwards preferably)!!!

Saturday's checklist....

1.    Get out of bed – DONE
2.    Put washing on – DONE
3.    Feed and water the children – DONE
4.    Get a haircut and colour – DONE
5.    Buy fresh fruit and veg – DONE
6.    EXERCISE – DONE
7.    Find an excuse not to do the house work - DONE
8.    Track food – DONE
9.    Have prawns for dinner - DONE
10.  Drop daughter off at sleepover – DONE
11.  Put baby to bed - DONE
12.  Catchup on Dr Phil & Oprah – working on it!!      

5% - DONE

Weight in today lost 1.3kg!!!! so happy - brings my total to 7.1kg which is exactly 5% of my body weight. Feeling really good and feeling like I am really gaining more and more control over food as each day passes - instead of the food controlling me.

I have had more success over the last 7 weeks than I have had over the past 8 years! I think I have finally got it…..A great friend today said to me “keep your eye on the prize” and that is exactly what I am going to do.

On the weekend I took my mother out for lunch for her birthday for Chinese dim sum - which I really love - I decided before I got their that I was going to stick with sushi, steam type dishes (prawn dumpling - yum), my favourite lotus leaf (stuffed with mushroom rice) and a steam pork bun . I decided that I was going to eat slowly and enjoy every taste and stop once I was starting to feel full (not once I was full as that is too late) – this is exactly what I did and it paid off. The biggest achievement was that I walked away feeling satisfied and in control. My daughter even commented that I did not eat as much as I normally do!! (bit sad really..).

Moving Moving Moving.....

I have finally starting doing some exercise....it has taken awhile to work myself up to it but I have started! I have a well equip home gym (any of my friends reading this will probably say that is understatement!!) - I have a bit of thing for buying exercise equipment and diet books! Every time I buy a piece I think this is it - this is the piece that is going to make all the difference!! Because as we all know it has nothing do with ourselves, it is all about the next bit of equipment or the next diet book lol......Gee it has taken me a long time to work out that I can buy all the equipment and books (not that I actually read them) in the world but until I get off my butt they are totally useless...

My neighbour and I have been “discussing” for awhile about doing some session together - so finally on Sunday after yet another discussion we did a session on Sunday night. We have now set a schedule for Tuesday and Thursday evening and possibly another session on the weekend.

Our session on Sunday was pretty much trying to work out how everything worked (as the treadmill and weights were purchased a couple of months ago and yet to be used – that is a story for another day!!). I did a session on Monday night myself – 20mins treadmill then weights. Tonight (Tuesday) we did 20mins on the treadmill, 10min rowing, and 10min cycling then several reps of weights and finished with some stretching – all up about a 1 hour.  Feeling really good a bit sore - off to a good start.

Weight in tomorrow – feeling a bit anxiety – it should all be good, tracked everything all week, ate really well so regardless of what the scales say I know in myself that I have been doing the right thing. Hmmmm am I trying to talk myself into a gain…not sure….

Looking forward to the day that I can just sit……

It is remarkable how something like sitting in a chair can cause your bubble to burst. Let me explain – I have been feeling really great, doing really well with controlling my food, keeping the thoughts under control, my energy levels are up and I have been steadily loosing weight over the past 6 weeks – so all in all things are good.

Today we decided to go to the public swimming pools (with my friend and her 2 kids) – I put board shorts on which only just fit!!! Lucky I had lost the 5.8kg otherwise they would not have … and my bather top on - really not attractive at this weight (I remember looking at the fat lady when I was a kid – now I am that fat lady – anyway I can deal with the looks!!) I am feeling great so who cares….We spent and hour walking in water whilst the kids played then we went to have lunch at the café….

We grabbed a table and chairs and sat down – then the realisation that I am still hideously over weight kicked in - I did not fit in the chair!!!!!!!! I got up and got another chair that was a bit wider but I was still struggling – there were no chairs without arms so I just had to sit on the end of the chair. It was terribly uncomfortable the whole time, yet you just sit there as if it is not uncomfortable and not cutting into my legs - if you sit back in the chair then you can’t reach table as you are laying back more than sitting back, you can’t site upright like a normal person as you simply just do not fit!!!

I know that I have only lost 5.8kg and have a very long way to go so it should not have came as any surprise - but I was really feeling like I was finally getting somewhere. My feeling of feeling really great and in control and almost indestructible slowly started to slip away; as the day has warn on I was feeling flatter and flatter. Now this is the not the first time this has happened but today it has really gotten to me….and all I want to do now is eat eat eat…. which is exactly what I am NOT going to do – I have done a workout this evening so I am feeling much better already.

I am so looking forward to the day that I can just sit……

This is what I'm looking forward to....

A WW community user posted a list of things that they are looking forward to. I though this was a great idea and decided to do my own list (and steal some of theirs)

I want to be able to walk without resting
I want to be able to shop all day
I want to get up off the floor without help
I want to be able to play on the floor with my baby
I want to be without pain
I want to sit in a chair without touching the sides
I want to sit on a chair without the fear of it breaking
I want to sit next to someone without touching them
I want to walk up and down stairs without holding onto the rails
I want to fell comfortable in an aeroplane seat
I want to put on socks and lace up shoes without holding my breath
I want to wear jeans with no elastic
I want to wear a shirt tucked in
I want to throw away every elastic waisted piece of clothing I own
I want to wear a one piece bathing suit
I want to wear a dress\skirt
I want to go to a ball in a stunning ball dress
I want to buy clothes that I like and not just what fits
I want to run
I want to go in a hot air balloon
I want to jump out of a plane
I want to go white water rafting
I want to go bunging jumping
I want to be able to do whatever physical activity I like
I want to be noticed because I look good not because I am obese
I want to feel proud of the person I am
I want the outside to match the inside
I want to be a role model for my kids
I want someone to spend the rest of my life with
I want to turn 40 and be fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Cracked it!!!

I am very pleased to report that despite my nervous tension about today’s weight in I lost 1kg!!! Bringing my total to 5.8kg - I cracked the 5kg mark.... - I am very excited - This is now 6 losses in a row. Looking back over my records since July 2001 (yes 2001 is not a typo!) - My record was 8 losses in a row (actually 2 of those were neutral) which was way back in December 2001. Obviously my next goal is to make it 10 in a row…
My next focus is to reach my 5% which is 1.3kg away.
What I really need to do now is calm down – remain focused - and not get to over confident with myself and think that I can slip in a bit extra here and there.

The day before weight in...

Why is it that I always feel really anxious the day before weight in (my wi is a Wednesday morning)?

I have eaten well, stayed within my points, tracked every day - the exercise was a bit lacking - but overall a good food week.
Emotionally I am feeling good - feeling very in control - keeping the negative thoughts at bay.

Then the day before I start trying to work out if I have lost weight or not - my scales are broken so I can't weight myself (they were always wrong anyway and just caused even more anxiety as I was on them a dozen times a day!) so I have started using a tape measure - last week my waist was much smaller but I only lost 0.2kg - so the tape measure is useless. Why can’t I just wait?

Then I start thinking that I have not lost any weight this week so I may as well have something extra or don't bother trying to do any extra activity as it won't make a difference anyway. It is like I am preparing myself for a failure instead of preparing myself for success!!

I am hoping to lose at least 0.2kg this week to reach to my first 5kg…..
I am feeling good, healthy and lighter so this is what I should be focusing on.

Why don't I stop eating?

Spent today with my beautiful daughter, we went and seen a movie - Julie & Julia - not bad and then we went to Hans Cafe for lunch. I ordered satay chicken for entree and Chicken 'n Cashews with steam rice for main - all very nice and quite healthy (the satay is probably a bit iffy). I got about half way through the main when I started to feel full - so at this point I should have stop eating right - oh no no no I continue on battling though to the VERY last mouth full - after all you can't possibly leave anything behind! Now I am over full again......

Why don't I stop eating?
Why don't I leave food behind? Whist I was eating I was thinking that I should really stop - but the food was really good and I kept on telling myself that it is fairly healthy so it is OK to overeat - but really it is not!

I know it is due to years and year of stuffing my face to sometimes I literally vomit!
I know that it will not change overnight
I know that I am not going to starve to death! (I have this fear that if I don't eat enough in one sitting that I will starve before the next meal arrives - insane I know!)

What I must start to do is listen to my stomach and STOP and REST half way through my meal - if I am feeling satisfied then leave the rest of the food behind - it is better on the plate than on my hips (gods know there is enough there already -:) ) and remind myself that we eat to live not live to eat....

5 consecutives losses in a row.....very happy.....

This week I lost 0.2kg - a little bit disappointing (would prefer that the decimal point was to the right of the two!) but I have now had 5 consecutives losses in a row.....very happy.....I have not had success like this for a few years.
Total losses to date are 4.8kg – next week I will be over the first 5kg and then it will be non stop from here.
I am really feeling like I am firmly on the right track this time (I have been at this for a very very long time). I am working very hard on keeping positive thoughts in my head and shutting down the negative ones as soon as they start to creep in.
This week goal is to get moving – starting tomorrow (Friday) I will park my car at the train station and walk to work (15mins each way).

How does it feel……..

This post is a reminder to me on how it physically feels to weight 142 kg! How does it feel….well let me see – both of knees hurt, especially the right one, currently taking anti-inflammatory everyday to keep the pain at bay, every time I take a step I feel like the right knee is going to give way and I will collapse on the floor! I have continuous pain in my lower back and if I stand for too long the pain becomes unbearable. I have heal spurs on a regular basis – the pain seems to come and go (depends on how active I have been).

Walking is a struggle - when I walk I feel like I am swaying from side to side – probably more of a waddle than a walk! I get exhausted quite quickly and need to sit down and rest before I can continue – I can no longer shop all day! I feel like I am 70 instead of 38!

When I sit I have to look at the chair to make a judgment on if it will hold my weight – it always feels like the chair is going to break. If the chair has sides then that becomes really uncomfortable as the sides normally dig into my hips. I feel embarrassed when sitting in a chair as I know that my arse is hanging out over the side and I am taking up the space of two people – this is quite uncomfortable especially when taking a train. I won’t fly at this weight as it is simply too uncomfortable.

Getting on the floor is not so difficult but getting up is another story so I avoid getting on the floor as much as possible which is quite difficult when you have a 13mth baby!!! This includes sitting on anything that looks too low to the ground.

I really don’t go out at night much any more as I am simply to embarrassed – I find it very difficult to talk to people and I feel like I am being judge (I know this is more about me than them).

Buying cloths is a struggle I tend to buy what fits instead of what I really like. I am currently a size 26 and cannot find a pair of Jeans that fit me at all! – I have one pair that is all torn between the legs (which is another problem over being this overweight).

When I go out for the day and it involves a fair amount of walking by the time I get home I am generally totally shatters and in a great deal of pain – knees, back & feet!

Defining Moment......

Probably like most people there has been many many moments that I have though this needs to change but like most people I kept on waiting for that particular "moment" then it was all going to happen but the problem is the "moment" actually never arrives! It has taken me a very long time to work that out! I am currently having some counselling which is really helping deal some issues in my life (the weight is just a side effect). Now that I am feeling my better about everything I rejoin WW again with a much better attitude and a realisation that I just have do this and stop waiting for a miracle to occur!! 5 weeks ago I joined and that night I logged in to put in some stats and notice that you can now track your measurements - I though great I will do that - to my very horror I discovered that the TAPE MEASURE DID NOT FIT AROUND MY HIPS!!! I decided that the day I need TWO tape measures to measure my hips then my weight is in serious state and I refused to use TWO tape measures!

The beginning....

This is the beginning of the end..... My intention of this blog is to track my weight loss journey by keeping a journal of my progress. I intend to use this blog so when the going gets tough I can look back and remind myself on how far I have come and why I must keep on moving forward. Slow and steady wins the race.