WI eve – The Fog…..

It has been a really tough week - I have done OK for most of the week but the last couple of days not so good – In my last post I talked about looking forward but really I just kept on looking back – I am (was??) fixated on the last week that I have totally written of the last 43weeks - I am really quite annoyed at myself for allowing a small dump in the road (for crying out loud we are just talking about 600g…aaaarrrrrr) to derail me like this – I feel like I have set myself back 12 months – back to that person that did not believe that losing this weight was possible – to the person that had no self worth and felt totally invisible to the world – felt like I back on the merry go around that I fought so hard to get off yet I stepped back on without hesitation…….why do we do this to ourselves – why are we soooo soooo hard on ourselves – we really are our own worth emery – if we had someone like ourselves in our lives we would get rid of them in a second – yet we keep this side off us alive and kicking and at the moment really kicking……

I cannot go back to that person – I cannot let that part of me take over again – it is very dark when that part of me takes over fully – I am stronger and better than that. In my last post there is a comment from Rhonda (I will put the full comment at the end of this post) but in the story she talks about a swimmer (Florence Chadwick) that gave up on a marathon swim because she could not see past the fog – I really feel like this is where I am at – caught in the fog – I can see nothing in front and unable to visualise what is beyond the fog….

Tomorrow is WI day – I am not expecting a good results quite the opposite but I will take it on the chin – no more sulking – no more why me (so board of that story..) - my pledge to everyone out their (and especially Rhonda) is that the fog is clearing and I will be focusing on how much better my life is as a result of the 31.8kg that I have lost to date…and how much better it will be in another 31.8kg.

From Rhonda:

“I recently read an experience of Florence Chadwick, the first female to swim the English Channel in both directions. At thirty four, she also determined to be the first woman to swim the twenty two miles between Catalina Island and Palo Verde on the California shore.

The weather on the day she made the attempt was not in her favor. The ocean waters were ice cold and the California coastline was veiled in a thick, dense fog. Support boats which followed her with crews armed with rifles to ward off prowling sharks were even obscured from her view.

I imagine myself in bone freezing waters, hearing the humming of motor boats amid the occasional pop of a rifle. It's enough to deflate even the strongest will and determination.

Chadwick swam for hours while, from one of the support boats, her mother and trainer encouraged her to keep going despite the odds.

In A Fresh Packet of Sower's Seeds, author Brian Cavanaugh details the last moments of her attempt:

"As the hours ticked off, Chadwick fought off bone chilling cold, dense fog and sharks...Fatigue never set in, but the icy water numbed her to the point of exhaustion. Straining to make out the shore through her swimming goggles, she could only see dense fog. She knew she could not go any further. Although, not a quitter, Chadwick shouted to her trainer and her mother in the boat and asked to be taken out of the water. They urged her not to give up, but when she looked at the California Coast, all she could see was thick fog. So after 15 hours and 55 minutes of fighting the elements, she was hauled into the boat... frozen to the bone..." (pg 42)

Little did she know that only half a mile beyond the dense fog where she gave-up was the California shoreline.

Cavanaugh notes what she told a reporter: "Look, I'm not excusing myself, but if I could have seen land I know I could have made it." (pg 42)

It turns out she had not been defeated by the sharks or even by the cold; it was the fog which obscured the vision of her goal.
One year later, she swam the Straits of Gibraltar in 5 hours and 6 minutes-setting a new record for both men and women. She also crossed the Bosphorus between Europe and Asia both ways, and crossed the Turkish Dardanelles-all within a few weeks.

Sometimes obstacles get in the way of our goals too Jody, but the message here is that you need to keep your focus.You are getting stronger with each of these challenges - the fog is definately clearing so just keep your eye on your goal and keep swimming :)”