Week 36 WI - Expectations

I am etching a bit close to my next goal of 30kg with a loss of 600g this week bringing my total to 29.4kg. I am confident that next week I can crack the 30!

To be honest I am getting quite nervous about my next goal – not sure if nervous is the right word – I will try and describe how I am feeling.

I have been on and off the weight loss journey pretty much my whole life (I joined my first WW meeting at 8 years old!) – I have been very successfully in the past (albeit many years ago now) and I have failed miserably especially over the past 10 years! I would lose a bit and then put a lot back on - whenever I would re-start the weight loss journey again it was only a matter of a couple of week (or at the most a month) before I would come crashing down – peoples expectation (and mine for that matter) was quite low - it was just a matter of time before I would be back to my old habits and complaining like crazy…..which I successfully did every time.

This time however I am doing it and very successfully - My nervousness is about my expectation of myself and what I “think” other people’s expectation of myself are! My weight loss is quite obvious now and a lot of people are commenting. Everyone is being very supportive as it is clear that I am serious there is no question about that. The problem is I feel like the expectation is increasing each week – people are asking on a regular basis how I am going? How much I have lost now? Am I still keeping up with my exercise routine? And they are telling me all the time how great and happy I am looking these days. Don’t get me wrong I really really appreciate all the encouragement and don’t want it to stop (and here it comes….) BUT in the back of my head I am starting to think – ohhh gee what if I can’t live up to their (or more to the point my) expectation? What if I start to fail? What if I can’t do this? What if this is all a fast and tomorrow it will all come crashing down like it has in the past? What if I start eating again and can’t stoppppp? What if? …What if?…. What if? ….… Seriously…..STOP…..These though keep going around in my head to the point that I know I have started to pull back – I have not been exercising as much as I was – My tracking has been a bit hit and miss? Food is quite boring and I almost have the attitude of “I can’t be bothered” …..really…. come on – this is really the old mind set – the self sabotage part of me….

I know this is all about ME and my extremely high expectation I have of myself and my massive fear of failure and this has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else – I HAVE NO INTENTION OF GIVING UP…I just need to move through these emotions – recognise them as part of the journey and move past them “Feel the fear and do it anyway!” and know that I will only fail if I allow myself to….which is not an options. I am feeling great … it has taken a lot of work to come this far and there is a lot more work to go to reach my goal but I know it is soooo worth it…..

I AM IN THIS FOR LIFE!